


never think before i say

by mieraspeller



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff, M/M, Matchmaking, Pack Fic, redcaps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 03:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19862959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mieraspeller/pseuds/mieraspeller
Summary: Summer is boring and the pack needs a project. They pick matchmaking.





	never think before i say

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 2014 and never posted it, so *shrugs*. Unbeta’d and uh, very not canon. S2-ish

“I’m bored,” Erica whines, draping herself across the couch, and Isaac’s lap by extension.

Isaac pats her head warily, and sees Derek's sympathetic wince out of the corner of his eye. Erica and boredom are not a good combination. Last time she told him she was bored she nearly got Isaac eaten by a wendigo and he had to regrow all the toes on his left foot.

“Want to go see a movie?”

“I just went to the movies yesterday.”

“Is Boyd busy?”

“He’s at work.” She tilts her head back to glare up at him suspiciously. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

He rolls his eyes and she settles again.

“Derek’s being weird and secretive --”

“I have plans already,” he cuts in, for the third time in the last twenty minutes. Erica has been making unsubtle jabs at him for the past three nights. She just keeps talking over him.

“Boyd’s in Cinder Flats for some forest ranger meeting, Lydia and Allison won’t be back from school until tomorrow, Scott’s working and Stiles isn’t answering his phone,” she finishes ticking them off on her fingers with a plaintive noise. “I’m bored.”

“We could play-”

“If you say Dead Island I’m going to punch you in the head.”

Isaac’s mouth snaps shut and he tosses down the controller he’s been holding since Erica interrupted him. “Well, I don’t know. Derek’s too cheap to get Netflix-”

“I’m sitting right here.” Derek sighs and gets twin disdainful looks before Isaac continues.

“So it’s video games, or movies, or --”

“I heard they’re going to blow up the bridge over on the north end of the preserve so they can rebuild it,” Erica says, popping up into a sitting position like a leather clad jack in the box. She’s up off the couch dragging Isaac behind her in seconds, and Isaac doesn’t even try to stop her. It’s really safer that way.

++

“I swear to God, Derek! They were like crazy lawn gnomes, one of the little fuckers took a chunk off my leg!”

Derek looks skeptical, or possibly angry. It’s kind of hard to tell, sometimes, with the eyebrows, Allison thinks. Scott had picked her up at the airport this morning, apologizing about being late and then they came straight to the Hale house for an emergency pack meeting. Lydia was already there, going through their modified bestiary on her phone while Stiles quizzes Erica on exactly what her ‘attacker’ looked like.

“Redcaps,” Lydia says after another moment, and passes the phone to Stiles with an eye roll when he makes grabby hands at it. Scott shifts closer to Allison, and she reaches over to take his hand. Their schools are only an hour apart, but Scott’s exams finished before hers had and it’s been nearly a week since they last saw each other. She’d been hoping for some time alone together before they got thrown back into the supernatural mess that is Beacon Hills.

“They’re nocturnal, prefer stone living areas -- abandoned castles, traditionally, but I don’t think we have any of those around here. Supposedly, they only attack if you invade their homes. But it also says they have to have fresh blood on their caps or they die, so.” Stiles looks around until his gaze settles on Boyd. “Do you know of any cave systems in the area that Erica was in?”

“Yeah, there’s one up north, near the bridge,” Boyd says, and Isaac makes a strangled noise when he opens his mouth and gets an elbow to the side from Erica.

“How do you kill them?” Derek asks, and Allison tries not to winces. She knows that Scott is opening his mouth to argue before he finishes the question.

“Any chance we can negotiate with them?” she asks quickly, and then when Erica gives her an incredulous look, smiles apologetically. “It worked with the ùruisgI?”

“I’m not going near them unless I get to rip some heads off,” Erica declares, crossing her arms and leaning back against Boyd, who puts a supportive hand on her shoulder.

“Obviously, Erica wouldn’t be the first choice for negotiation,” Lydia says, giving her a disdainful look. “Or Isaac. And moving them on will only put more people in danger. If the bestiary is accurate, and they die if they don’t have blood for their caps, then they’ll kill no matter where we move them.”

“Fine, but I’m going to try and talk to them first. The bestiary isn't even right half the time,” Scott says stubbornly.

Derek exchanges a glance with Stiles, eyebrows raised questioningly, and Stiles gives a tiny shrug and a head shake. It takes less than a second, and Allison thinks the only other person who notices is Lydia, who watches them with sharp eyes as Derek tells Scott he’s welcome to try.

++

“They’re nocturnal.” Lydia finally takes pity on Scott as he huffs with frustration for the fifth time in two minutes. Allison is sitting on the hood of Scott’s car flipping a knife round in her hand, and Isaac and Erica have been restricted to Derek’s house until they figure out if the red caps are hostile. Which seems like a fairly obvious yes to her, but Scott is insistent that they try to talk first. Personally, she only thinks he’s so adamant because he hates agreeing on anything with Derek, and even more so when he thinks Stiles might agree with Derek as well.

“The sun sets in half an hour,” Scott says stubbornly. “I’ll wait.”

Lydia rolls her eyes and leans against the side of the car, tipping her head over to Allison. “Would you like to explain to Scott how unprepared we are to fight off a gang of Redcaps when they inevitably prove to be hostile?”

There’s an irritated huff from Scott, and then he’s tearing off into the woods for a werewolf style tantrum. As planned. She waits a few moments until Scott’s out of range, then glances up at Allison and raises her eyebrows. “You saw them.”

Allison tries to play dumb for a second, but Lydia just waits. They both know what she’s talking about. And she has two months of what amounts to free time in Beacon Hills (because proofing maths and coming up with solutions to whatever supernatural business crops up in the area is hardly going to fill all her time). Getting Stiles and Derek to admit their obvious attraction for each other is a slight challenge, and it will leave her with at least a month left of break and a feeling of deep satisfaction. Not to mention their relationship being a positive stabilizing influence to the group dynamic. It’s a win for everyone.

“Yeah, they were totally doing the parental silent communication thing,” Allison says, sounding reluctantly intrigued. Which is more than enough to work with.

“Stiles has been trying to get into Derek’s pants ever since he stopped trying to get into mine. And it looks like Derek is finally getting with the program. But he’s about as emotionally mature as a three year old, and has even less tact.” She looks at Allison expectantly, and Allison scrunches up her eyebrows in thought. Lydia resists the urge to remind her about premature wrinkles, because she does have tact. But she does make a mental note to find a stronger moisturizer for Allison’s skin type the next time they go shopping.

“So, you think we should try and get them together?” Allison asks, and Lydia smiles.

“Who said anything about trying?”

+++

“Hey, Sheriff,” Scott says nervously. Stiles’ dad gives him an assessing look before moving out of the way so Scott can enter the kitchen.

“Nice to see you, Scott,” he says, and Scott bobs his head and looks at the stairs. Normally he likes talking to Stiles’ dad, but he has a sneaking suspicion that the sheriff wouldn’t like knowing that Scott was here on orders from Lydia and Allison to interrogate his son.

“I’m just gonna --” he points up and tries not to sigh too audibly in relief when he’s waved by.

He has to be discreet, because Stiles has an uncanny ability to figure out when Scott is lying to him. Probably because they’ve known each other since Scott and his mom moved to Beacon Hills in middle school. And knowing Stiles since middle school also means that Scott has known all of Stiles’ crushes since they hit puberty. After Stiles finally got over Lydia, it didn’t take long before he was spending half his time trailing after Derek. He wasn’t completely obvious about it or anything. Derek was still really scary until about halfway through their senior year and Stiles doesn’t actually have a death wish, as far as Scott knows. It was just little things, like staring a bit too long, or trying out twenty different desserts to bring to meetings until he finally found the one that Derek liked the best, and smelling like -- well, things that Scott really tries to ignore. There are things he doesn’t ever want to know about Stiles and his apparent hard on for Derek’s back muscles is one of them.

Thinking back on it, maybe Stiles wasn’t that subtle. Strangely, Derek never seemed to notice.

But it’s been two years of different colleges, and only seeing each other a couple days over winter break and last year Stiles had a job and only came home for a week during summer break and Derek was away visiting Cora. Scott had figured that the dozen or so people that Stiles had told him about at college had made him forget about his Derek Hale Thing.

Allison and Lydia are pretty terrifying themselves, though, so he has to check.

“Hey, dude,” Stiles says, waving Scott in. “I’m updating the redcap entry -- anything to add after yesterday’s epic battle?”

He can check later, Scott thinks, and gives Stiles a play by play of the awesome, if somewhat disappointing failed negotiation turned bloodbath.

“So, um. Want to talk about Derek?” Scott asks, after he gets a text demanding updates from Lydia thirty minutes later. He’s on the edge of the bed, waiting for Stiles to finish typing up the notes on the redcaps’ weaknesses.

Stiles spins in his chair and pins Scott with a look that is eerily reminiscent of his dad. “No,” he says abruptly, and Scott jumps.

“Uh--”

“Scott, I refuse to be in the middle of your pseudo sibling rivalry anymore. You said you would be in Derek’s pack, even with like, sixth ranger status or whatever, and there are no take backs this time. If you have issues with Derek, you need to talk to him about them, not me,” he finishes firmly.

Scott is pretty sure this is not how the conversation was meant to go. But, hey, he tried, and he’s pretty sure Lydia will believe him if he tells her that he couldn’t ask again in case Stiles got suspicious. “Okay,” he says weakly, and when Stiles turns around again, muttering about telling Derek to make the rest of the pack actually read their emails, god, why does he even do research for those ungrateful bastards, Scott decides that the girls are on their own with their dumb plan. He’ll just keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t go too far.

++

“But I love Tino’s,” Scott whines, but one of Lydia’s glares silences him. “Fine,” he grumps, settling against the wall and crossing his arms.

“Tell me what they’re saying.”

“Probably how delicious their pizza is-”

“Scott,” Lydia says sternly, putting down her binoculars to give him a look. “You wanted to be here, so help.”

“I thought I would be inside.”

“Ugh, just. Tell me what they say, and I’ll buy you a whole pizza when they leave.”

Scott perks up, and dutifully begins reciting.

++

“What are they saying?” Allison asks, accidentally elbowing Boyd in the side where they’re crouched down next to a white minivan. He slants a look at her but dutifully begins to repeat the conversation.

“Stiles wants to know where everyone is,” Boyd pauses and then adds, “they decided to start without us. Derek just got Lydia’s text.”

“Should we follow them in?”

“I think Derek would notice. Let’s just get closer to the entrance, I’ll be able to hear them from there.”

++

“Neither of them do subtle,” Boyd says placatingly when Erica and Isaac come slumping in from their mission later that week.

“Stiles was practically fellating that ice cream cone, and Derek still didn’t jump him,” Erica says miserably, ignoring Scott’s gagging noises. “I almost jumped him, it’s like he doesn’t even have hormones.”

“I wanted ice cream, but Erica wouldn’t let me get any,” Isaac complains, and Allison makes a sympathetic noise and pats him on the arm.

“There’s mint chocolate chip in the freezer,” Lydia sighs, and all the werewolves make a beeline for the kitchen. “This is ridiculous, Allison. I know they want each other. Stiles hangs all over Derek, and Derek actually listens to Stiles ninety percent of the time. I don’t understand why they haven’t gotten the picture.”

++

Derek wakes to the sound of his pack breaking into the house. Well, not breaking, technically, since they all have keys. He was supposed to be in Ridgemont, but had gotten back early this morning and come home after checking in with Stiles, so they probably don’t even realize he’s there. They sound distinctly furtive, so he settles in to listen.

“Since Scott pussied out-”

“Hey!”

“- and nothing we’ve tried has worked, we need new tactics,” Erica continues blithely. “Isaac, you get Derek, I’ll get Stiles and we’ll lock them --”

“Hey!” Scott says again, sternly, mustering up all his first beta authority. “No locking anyone anywhere.”

Derek feels his eyebrows raising involuntarily. He doesn’t remember doing anything to piss anyone off lately, and Stiles hasn’t done anything terribly annoying since he got back from school. The redcaps were taken care of weeks ago, they successfully renegotiated with the Ridgemont pack for the next semester, and the only thing weird lately is the amount of suspicious looks Scott has been sending him. Which isn’t exactly new.

“Maybe Deaton has something we can use,” Erica suggests, sounding weirdly gleeful, and Derek winces when he hears something solid -- probably one of his new coasters, dammit, smack into flesh. Erica growls, and then the door bangs open three times -- he’s guessing Scott, then Erica, followed by Isaac.

“We never should have involved them,” he hears Lydia say, and Boyd mutters something too low for Derek to make out, sending Allison into peals of laughter before he hears them leave as well. He picks up his phone and calls Stiles.

“What’s wrong,” Stiles mumbles, when he finally picks up the phone. “I just saw you an hour ago.”

“Erica mentioned my name, your name, and locks, and then something about Deaton,” he says, and Stiles groans, loud and heartfelt.

“What are those fuckers plotting?” he demands, sounding remarkably more awake. “I knew something was going on! Erica has accosted me three times to exclaim over your freaking biceps, they keep bailing on pack night, and I know I saw Lydia dragging you into the nail salon the other day.”

“Allison was there, too,” Derek admits, rubbing his thumb over his shiny smooth fingernails. “And manicures are surprisingly relaxing.”

“Dude, I know, Lydia got me one last summer and -- and we totally need to focus on the actual problem of our pack mates are plotting against us. You didn’t smell any sulfur, did you?”

“They aren’t possessed,” Derek rolls his eyes. “They were -” he pauses, thinking over the awkward conversation while he was trapped in a chair between Allison and Lydia and little old lady filing his nails. “I think they’re matchmaking,” he realizes, and sinks down under his blanket, face heating helplessly. He can practically hear Stiles’ jaw drop before he says,

“Dude.”

“I know, okay. I know.”

“Just, wow,” Stiles continues before he breaks down into laughter. Derek drags his phone away from his ear and covers his face with his hands, only coming back up when he hears Stiles stop laughing and start plotting revenge.

++

At the next pack meeting (aka movie night), Lydia brings the alcohol, Allison brings the popcorn and everyone else makes sure that the only space left open is next to Derek. When Stiles saunters in twenty minutes late, Boyd can nearly see the steam coming from Lydia’s ears. Especially when he bypasses the open spot and flops down on the floor and uses Isaac’s legs as a backrest.

What is going on? Lydia texts him, halfway through the movie. It must have been a mass text, because Isaac sends Stiles smells like Danny!!!, and then Derek tells them all to stop texting or go home.

“I’m about two seconds away from going with Erica’s plan,” Lydia says in the car later. If she wasn’t Lydia, she’d be grinding her teeth, and Boyd thinks perhaps they’ve become too invested in their plan.

“Maybe-” Allison tries, but Erica claps a hand over her mouth and says, “Sweet, I’ll talk to Deaton in the morning.”

“Before we resort to kidnapping, maybe we should get Stiles’ dad in on the plan,” Boyd suggests dryly, and Lydia agrees that they’ll talk to him in the morning. Boyd tries not to feel guilty about manipulating Derek. Even if it is for his own good. Maybe he should have taken a leaf out of Scott’s book and declared himself neutral.

++

They show up at the Sheriff’s house at 8AM with donuts and good coffee. (“He worked the night shift, we’ll have to bribe him,” Isaac tells them gravely. He takes his responsibility as a deputy very seriously.) Erica is chomping at the bit to steal some aphrodisiacs from Deaton, but Boyd managed to talk her down, thank god. Allison was on the phone with Lydia for half the night, trying to come up with ideas that didn’t involve roofies.

“Seriously, Erica, no. We’re not drugging anyone,” she hisses, before knocking on the door. Scott growls behind her and she reaches back to grab his hand before he decides he needs to defend Stiles’ honor again. Which, he had told her repeatedly as they got ready this morning, was the only reason he was coming along. Privately, Allison thought that the sheriff would be able to defend his son without any backup.

“You take all the fun out of my life,” Erica whines just as the door opens and Sheriff Stilinski looks out at the pack with bemusement.

“Morning!” Lydia says cheerfully, holding out the box of donuts.

“Can I help you kids?” he asks, hand resting on his holstered weapon. Allison resists the urge to face palm.

“We actually need your help with something, sir,” Isaac says, eyes round and pleading, and the sheriff sighs and waves them in.

Lydia waits until they’re settled around the kitchen and the sheriff has a donut in hand before she lays out their scheme. He eats his donut and drinks his coffee calmly throughout the entire presentation (there are charts and everything) before nodding slowly.

“Right. I think you kids might have missed a few things in your observations,” he says dryly. He finishes off his third donut and directs Isaac to destroy the evidence, before letting out a loud bark of laughter. They all sit there, a little stunned as the sheriff breaks down. Allison thinks, belatedly, that they should have gone to the sheriff first, since he obviously knows something they don’t.

Sheriff Stilinski’s face is bright red by the time he finally calms, and about that time, Stiles comes thundering down the stairs and bursts into the kitchen.

“Where are they?” he demands, then does a double take when he sees the whole pack gathered around the table. Then he waves his hand in dismissal and turns to his father. “Dad, did you really think I wouldn’t find out about the donuts?”

The sheriff wipes away a tear of mirth and shakes his head fondly. “Why don’t you yell at your friends, they supplied me with them.” He pulls Stiles into a one armed hug, says, “I’m going to bed, have fun with your project,” and snorts out another laugh as he leaves the room.

“Stiles?” Scott asks, and Allison takes another look at him when she hears the worry in Scott’s voice.

“Holy shit,” she breathes, and hears Isaac make a kind of squeak and reach out to Stiles, all ready to take his pain from the bite marks littering his chest.

“Are you freaking kidding me?” Erica exclaims. Allison looks up from Stiles’ chest to see Derek hovering in the doorway, equally shirtless and mussed.

“Wow, that was a summer wasted,” Boyd says.

++

Surprisingly, it only took a few minutes for the pack to stop whining and start congratulating themselves. Obviously, Derek couldn’t let that stand.

“We didn’t get together because of any of your stupid schemes,” he tells them plainly.

“Bullshit,” Erica calls.

“No, seriously, we’ve been together for like, over a year,” Stiles adds. “Derek heard your lame plans when he got back early like a week ago, and we’ve been trying to find a good time to break it to you.”

“And get revenge,” Allison says wisely, and Derek nods at her.

“But -- Sasha! And Troy, and that other guy with the weird face thing--” Isaac protests weakly, and Derek growls. He can’t help it, just the thought of -- he takes a calming breath when Stiles slides his arm around his waist. Isaac’s mouth shuts with a snap.

“Dude, first of all it was Trey, not Troy, and they were all within like the first two months of school. I’ve been with Derek since the first time he made the rounds visiting us all at school.”

“That was a year and a half ago,” Lydia says, annoyed and admiring simultaneously. “Sneaky.”

Stiles beams at her and when Derek finally stops digging his fingernails into his palms at the tacit approval, Stiles turns the smile onto him, smoothing his hand up over Derek’s back and landing on his neck with a soft squeeze.

“You guys should go now. We’re gonna go have sex in my room,” Stiles tells them all, not looking away from Derek.

Scott makes a horrified noise, and nearly mows down Erica to get out, who growls and chases after him. Isaac groans and follows them while Boyd ushers Lydia and Allison out.

“Were you trying to keep it from them?” Stiles asks Derek curiously, and Derek huffs out a laugh.

“No. They’re all just oblivious. How the wolves didn’t notice that we constantly smell like each other....” he trails off, tilting his head obligingly for Stiles to bite under his jaw. “Besides, bowling was fun, right?”

Stiles smirks. “Yeah, but not as fun as our first date.”

“What could be more fun than chasing a witch across campus,” Derek deadpans. 

“I meant after, but either way - not bowling, that’s for sure,” Stiles shoots back, grinning as Derek lets him manhandle them back onto the bed. “But tomorrow - remind me to confiscate the recreational wolfsbane?” 

“Deal,” Derek says instantly. He can still hear Lydia complaining to Allison as they get into her car, and he pulls Stiles down. “Soundproof?” 

Stiles reaches up and taps the rune etched on his headboard. “Good?” 

Everything is quiet. Derek nods and moves, tipping Stiles onto his back and settling on top, returning his grin. “Very good.” 


End file.
